Season of partings, wistful farewells

Even if long in coming, partings are ever daunting affairs.

Our loves cast long shadows, memories we were eager to build, yet, neglected to savor, overlooked in our quarrels, now haunt us all when you have gone.

In your space another has volunteered, so quickly nature abhors a vacuum. I who have lived so comfortably as a half, am too open to the loneliness of someone new.

I lie.
We parted slowly and surely long ago.

Believing ourselves incomplete was just a ploy we hid behind. Readying our final farewells.

No more joy we had outweighed the pain of togetherness, we gathered strangers to give us the strength to scream and shout against the promises we once so gaily proclaimed.

Our long trips we now retrace with another, our scars we bear hoping that someone else can make us whole again.

But no one can love forever. No one lives forever.

Somewhere in this world, our stories are repeated endlessly but for us the past will never revive, our future is no more and whatever we have now is so quickly gone.

All things come together and break differently apart.

We have loved a different time, place and a different us. Now bid us farewell like the flowers of spring long past, and grant us strength that we may be content. What is loved deeply could never be lost, And in every relationship within lies some true deep love.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


my life with Buddha and Jeremy

I remarked on FB that 2010 had been tumultuous and eventful and fruitful.

2011 has already surpassed it.

I think it's bearable because I am no longer the same person I was. It's easier to look back and feel that life is eventful and fruitful.

Of course it's tumultuous and each moment pregnant with great depression and frustration or joy and relief. But I do not complain that the sea is not still. And I have observed that it is almost always my simply my own thoughts that have projected light and shadows onto the world, sometimes even faster than the world can change.

I have been lucky. Family supported me in my travesties and have not (yet) abandoned me for my failures. Friends continually showed me what I was and what I could be.

Lucky that in the age of Facebook, long lost friends remind me of what I once was, what promises I then made and what I have become.
As Voldemort would scream desperately at Harry Potter - LUCK! That everyone has paid for the journey which brings him where he is at the end of that longest last book. I am humbly reminded that I am that product of causes and conditions, friends, foes and loved ones which is where I am today.
And I have been lucky to meet Buddha. 
To slowly abandon the survival tools and clutches that society and education have endowed me, and slowly rebuild new ones. 
As I witness my own sister trying to choose a university, I realize that long winding path that lays ahead of her is fraught with convenient, isolating and embittering lies that we make to coax her into a behaving and productive member of society, and am grateful we have still with us today, great people who can inspire and teach us to look beyond ourselves. I pray they will be around for her in her time.
It's not like the Morpheus pill. Getting out for me is a slow grinding process. Most moments are still stuck in the Matrix savouring the fake steak trading my sanity for sensation.
That makes Jeremy Trinity. Ironic. My constant dharma companion. I have been lucky.
I wanted to write about my studies and growth in Buddhism, about the great teachers I have met and my steadfast companion along the path. Instead it's mainly a drivel about my-self. Duh. The most useful things in life are beyond my vocabulary.
but in the words that I first encountered 4 years ago opening the homepage of Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche, I found a straw to clutch in this ocean of amazement (and despair)
do no harm : benefit others : tame your mind!

HH the Dalai Lama

 "How can we eliminate the deepest source of all unsatisfactory experience? Only by cultivating certain qualities within our mind stream. Unless we possess high spiritual qualifications, there is no doubt that the events life throws upon us will give rise to frustration, emotional turmoil, and other distorted states of consciousness. These imperfect states of mind in turn give rise to imperfect activities, and the seeds of suffering are ever planted in a steady flow. On the other hand, when the mind can dwell in the wisdom that knows the ultimate mode of being, one is able to destroy the deepest root of distortion, negative karma and sorrow." - His Holiness the Dalai Lama

steel amazed...

question: how did Ms Singapore get her charges reduced from 65 to 5?

answer: your honour, i only know how to count with one hand....  (speedo28's says it funnier, but there)

did they even have a column that says 'were you ever convicted of a criminal act?' and did she perjure herself on the form?

or maybe she thought 5 counts, so, no, not 'a' criminal act.

on happiness

All the joy the world contains,
has come through wishing happiness for others.
All the misery the world contains,
has come through wanting pleasure for oneself.

Shantideva - 'the way of the bodhisattva'


twelve dependent links

I wish I knew what I knew before I did what I did. But what I did made me understand its faults. And if I had understood it, I won't have done it.


how porn can save the world

porn should never be illegal. everything i needed to know about life, i learnt it from porn.

the arts council should stop pouring money into films about ghosts, identity crises and general whining.

honestly, how many people care about a mute guy who spends an entire feature length movie carrying a cock and following a pair of singing sisters around? 7? 5? 1?

give tammy, her (ex?)-bf and the nokia camera phone an award already! those shorts really opened my eyes into the lives of my fellow island dwellers... and long may the images last in my mind even as my body fades away.

it's not modern society or educated women or high costs of living that is wiping out the human race.

it's the pervasive social disgust of sex that's created by this puritanical onslaught from celibate or frustrated religious/social/artistic leaders that's slowing the birth rate - THIS is causing the population profile to age.

woody allen gets to make legal films. the pope gets to preach about contraception. thio li an about where to put your straw. it's like martin yan teaching how to cook... really... it's wrong.

in mainstream cinema, sex is always associated with guilt (Closer), psychopathic stalker (Fatal Attraction), psychopathic killer (Basic Instinct).

if a couple have sex early in the movie, they end up separated or dead at some point in the movie....

if they dun have sex in the beginning or middle, they spend the whole movie frustrated and angry. and if it's a comedy, they finally fall in love in the end, and the credits roll before they take off their clothes.

what are we telling our children?

on straits times, you will never read that 'so and so had great sex for nearly an hour which is likely to result in conception'.

no.... but the headlines are filled with suicides and broken families and divorces and criminal charges when teens are found having sex or wife finds husband naked with maid, or star is caught leaving hotel with someone who is not his or her partner.

there's just so much negative association with sex in modern society and this fascination feeds on itself. there's this insatiable craving for bad news about sex.

no one wanted to know if Prince Charles and the late Princess Di were having sex. no one wants to know if Charles and Camila are.

but with Diana and Dodi... wow, we were so hungry to know.... because 'KNOWING' was itself wrong and bad and so exciting!

we so craved a peek into their privacy which fueled the industry that spawned the paparazzi who chased them to their tragic deaths.

had they freely posted naked pics on their blogs, or for a fee at, no one would care.

it's true. we create these taboos that excite and kill us.

there were these ladies who said that they wouldn't watch the movie 'SNIPER' after edison chen's video/photo scandal... why???

the society that makes these women worship edison before the sex mpegs and then rubbish him for making them is hypocritical and has bad taste.

edison was MUCH better in the sex videos than he is on film anytime. sure, his co-stars could've have trimmed a bit, but if porn was a proper industry, i'm david gan would have deployed his scissors tastefully.

we cannot taint sex with negativity and hope for a better next generation that doesn't grow up guilt tinged. it's illogical and it's weird. if not for the primal urge, society would've wiped it out by now.

stop making movies about rocket propelled grenades that shoot down helicopters with Josh Hartnett in it.

if we can show how a gun is loaded, cocked, aimed and shot between a man's eyes, why are the only legal sex scenes restricted to 2 bodies hugging each other and rolling around?

in contrast, porns are so much more useful and positive!

in fact, it's remarkably civil and .... maybe sets rather high standards....

i mean, porn is egalitarian - each party gives AND takes, everyone is satisfied.

porn is non-status conscious - no one wears prada, and the family doesn't object because one comes from the village and the other a scion of a rich dynasty.

porn is about good customer service - everyone smiles at the end because it's ALWAYS a happy ending.

porn is inclusive - if someone walks in, there're no quarrels, no angry faces, no divorces... there's always a role for everyone to play. there're no good cop, bad cop... everyone's a good cop.

most of all, porn is life-affirming. there's a lot of moaning, but no one dies.

it is the society messaging that modern society has gotten wrong along the way.

and we have to stop this messaging spreading to developing countries, telling them what is acceptable by society or God, whether to put their straws up their noses or otherwise. because this is not develoment. it's suicide by boredom. i'm pretty sure the europeans who colonized Africa made her cover up not because of the purported aim of taming barbarism... it was penile envy, simple.

next NDP, i hope the PM announces policies that actually stem the birth decline. i hope he tells MICA to get off their high moral horse and start pooling resources. we need a world class porn industry more than casinos.

i'm quite sure this is one industry singaporeans will not bemoan foreign talents.